Akatsuki Preschool For Future Criminals
by HMOrange216
Summary: Akatsuki-an organization known for being bad ass s-ranked criminals and...diaper changers? Pein and Konan are about to learn just how hard it is to lead a preschool with criminal kids.
1. First Day Frenzy

**First Day Frenzy**

Hi:) This was an idea that's been stuck in my head for a long time…long time as in about four months! So tell me what you think about it!

**Disclaimer: (Hate these so much…) I don't own Naruto!**

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><p><strong>5:00 a.m Uchiha Household<strong>

The young Uchiha prodigy rubbed his eyes. Then, he remembered what day it was today. Quickly, he got out of his bed and got dressed. Putting on his brand new backpack, he ran down the stairs, successfully waking his parents up. He grabbed a little stool and climbed on it to unlock the front door.

"UCHIHA ITACHI, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" His mom yelled.

"School!"

"At five in the morning!" Normally, his mom was a very nice person and rarely yelled at her son, but when you wake someone up at five in the morning, things are bound to be different. Let's just say that Itachi's mom is not a morning person.

"But mommy, I don't want to be late." Mikoto stared at her son…he stared back. She sighed and knocked him out, carrying him back to bed. Let us hope that he wakes up by eight…

**6:00 a.m. Deidara's House**

"Wake up, Dei-chan." The little blonde was happily snoring in bed. "Wake up!" His mother shook him.

"Grrr…un." He continued sleeping.

"Wake up!" He did not obey. Fed up with her son, she ripped the covers off and poured ice cold water all over him. Deidara jumped right up and wept uncontrollably.

"Wahhh! I don't want to wake up, un! I hate you!" His mom sighed and carried him into the bathroom to dry him off.

"It's your first day of school; don't want to be late, right?"

"No. I want to be late, un." His mother took a towel and dried his hair off, then started tying it.

"Where do you get your attitude from, I wonder."

"You. Duh." Angrily, she tugged on his hair.

"Ow! Watch it, woman!" She tugged again.

"One day, I will ship you off to Antarctica, where you'll live with the penguins."

"Penguins are cute, un!"

"And then get eaten by a polar bear." Deidara was silent.

"I love you mommy, don't ship me away." She smiled and hugged him.

"That's my son."

**6:30 a.m. Kakuzu's apartment**

"Come on, move it! Time is money!" Little Kakuzu exclaimed.

"Look at you, five years old and already talking about money."

"Mommy, I have five cents now! Five!" He held up four fingers. "See? One, two, three, four, and…where did the fifth one go?" His mom giggled.

"I don't know. Did you look under your bed?" Kakuzu rushed over to his little bed.

"No! I can't find it."

"What about you toy box?" He took out his box and dumped all the toys out.

"Nope!"

"You better clean that up."

"Not until I find my penny!"

"If I show you your penny will you clean it up?" He nodded. His mom motioned for him to come.

"Hold up your fingers again." He did. She put his fifth finger up.

"There. Count them again."

"One, two, three, four, five! Mommy, I found five!"

"Good. Now clean up your toys."

"No."

"What?"

"No."

"Kakuzu, say that one more time."

"N.O. Mommy, you don't know what no means?"

"I will take away your money if you don't clean those up." Kakuzu ran to his toys and cleaned them up in record time.

"Okay, get ready for school." Kakuzu hopped into the bathroom to prepare.

"Mommy, have you seen my mask?"

"Did you look under your bed?"

**7:00 a.m. Sasori's House**

_I've got no strings  
>To hold me down<br>To make me fret, or make me frown  
>I had strings<br>But now I'm free  
>There are no strings on me<em>

"Sasori, turn the t.v. off and get ready for school."

"Yes, Granny Chiyo." The red head replied. He reluctantly turned his favorite movie off. Nothing else interesting happens, except Sasori dropping his favorite Pinocchio plushie in the toilet and had a giant tantrum, other than that, nothing else. Moving on to the next house.

**7:00 a.m. Tobi's Log Cabin (Yes, he lives in a log cabin, built by a proud a.k.a Tobi's Dad)**

"Tobi-chan, are you awake yet?"

"Yup! Tobi is a good boy!"

"Of course, you are. Come here, your new mask has arrived!"

"Yay!" The excited boy tumbled out of bed and cartwheeled down the stairs and to his mother. His mom ripped open the package addressed to Mister and Misses Swirly. Inside were three swirly orange masks.

"Now we have matching masks!" Tobi cheered as he put his mask on.

"Thank you mommy. Tobi is a good boy!"

**7:15 a.m. Zetsu's…Greenhouse**

"Zetsu, are you ready for school?"

"No! I need water myself, then water Lily, Rose, Grass, Fern, and Rhododendron."

"Hurry up! Fourty-five minutes left." His mother, a white Daisy told him.

"Okay, almost done."

"Are your leaves smelling fresh?"

"Yes, mom."

"Good. I'll give you five more minutes."

"Kay."

**7:30 a.m. Kisame's House**

"WAKE UP! YOU'RE LATE!" The blue shark boy jumped up.

"What? What'd I miss?"

"Son! You have thirty minutes left till school!"

"Eh? Why didn't you wake me up, Dad?"

"I just did!" Grumbling, Kisame got up and put on his favorite Nemo t-shirt with matching pants.

"This is what you get when you stay up to watch Spongebob." He kept rambling on and on. Annoyed, Kisame kicked his dad on his way out.

"Morning Mom." Kisame waved at a giant shark in a fish tank in the living room.

"Blub, blub, blub." His mom said.

"Yeah, I know. He is annoying." Grabbing a giant container of fish food, he fed his mom.

"Well, I'm off to school now, before dad starts grumbling again." He rolled his eyes. "Oops! Almost forgot Samehada." He grabbed a popsicle stick wrapped in toilet paper.

"Bye mom!...Bye dad."

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><p><strong>8:00 a.m. Akatsuki Preschool<strong>

The door to the classroom opened and the excited kids started filing in.

"Hi, kids. I'm Konan and this is Pein."

"…"

"Pein, say hi to the kids." She whispered. Pein held his foot out and poor Deidara tripped.

"Ow! Wahhh!" This was Pein's way of saying hi. Konan rushed over to the little boy.

"Oh. It's okay. What's your name little girl?"

"I'm a boy, un." Pein laughed in the corner. Konan's glare shut him up.

"I'm sorry. What's your name?"

"Deidara, un."

"Okay, come in and sit down." After all the students were situated in their seats, class began.

"Kids! Quiet down. Welcome to Akatsuki Preschool. I'm Konan and this is-" The door slammed open.

"I'M HERE!" A boy with silver hair and violet eyes burst in.

"Who are you, young man?" The boy grinned.

"HIDAN!"

"Okay, please sit." He sat in the vacant spot next to Kakuzu, who cowered away in fear of the loud boy next to him.

"Before I was so rudely interrupted, this is Pein and the two of us are going to be your teachers for the year. Do you have anything to say, Pein?" Pein boredly looked at the kids.

"Touch me and you die."

"Thank you. Now I hope you have a wonderful time here. We're going to do introductions now. Say your name, your birthday, and your favorite thing to do at home. Let's start with you."

"Uchiha Itachi. June 9. I like to have staring contests with my mom."

"I'm Kisame, my birthday's March 18 and I like to play with my sword, Samehada." He held up his popsicle stick wrapped in toilet paper. The class 'oohed' and 'ahhed'. The hyper maske boy stood up.

"I'm Tobi! Mommy says I'm born on Christmas Eve! I like to dance! Tobi is a good boy!"

"I am Kakuzu. I am born on August 15 and I like to count my money."

"HIDAN! BORN APRIL 2. I LIKE TO SLEEP AND KILL PEOPLE! I KILLED AN ANT TODAY!" The students gasped and some broke down, crying.

"I'm Sasori. I'm born on November 8 and I like to watch Pinocchio."

"Zetsu. I don't know what my birthday is and I like to water plants."

"Okay! That was very interesting. Now recess!" Kisame raised his hand.

"Question?"

"Are you single?" Konan blushed. Pein leaned in to listen better.

"Uh..where'd you get that from?"

"T.V."

"Um. Yeah, I'm single. Now go to recess!"

"Yes, teacher." Pein looked relieved…surprisingly.

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><p>Okay, that's the end of this chapter. What do you think? It's not as funny as I want it to be but…I don't know. Thanks for reading! Bye!<p> 


	2. Recess Riot

**Recess Riot**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!**

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><p>The children were gathered on the big toy a.k.a The Kid's Territory-No Adults Allowed!<p>

"I will be leader!" A proud Hidan declares. The other kids…disagree.

"What makes you so special?"

"I don't like you!"

"I want to be leader!"

"You're not fit to be leader!"

"Pencil!" Hidan was so surprised by the random outburst that he fell and slid down the long curvy slide.

"Yay! Tobi made Hida-chan fall! Tobi will be leader!" Tobi took Hidan's spot as leader, the others…disagreed again.

"No way! I'll be leader, un."

"No, I will!"

"Tobi can't be leader?" He asks.

"I will!"

"No, I will." They paid no attention to the masked boy.

"Sniff, Tobi, sniff. Can't be, sniff, leader?" The others sensed that Tobi was going to cry, nobody wants that. Luckily, it's Kisame to the rescue!

"Tobi-chan, here's a lollipop!" He held out Samehada, also known as toilet paper wrapped around a stick.

"For me? Thank you, Kisa-chan." Tobi happily ate his 'lollipop'. By the time Hidan had climbed back up, Tobi had finished his lollipop and the whole group was discussing some important matters (their group name).

"How about sugar-coated chocolate unicorns?"

"Tobi, are you hungry again?" The masked boy nodded eagerly.

"Too bad."

"What you idiots talking about?" Hidan asked. The others gasped and backed away in fear.

"Hidan said the 'I' word!"

"I'll tell on you!" Hidan stood proudly, as if saying the 'I' word were a thing to be proud of.

"You _idiots _are too cowardly to swear." There was a moment of silence.

"I'm bored!" Kisame wailed. The others nodded in agreement.

"We should go on strike!"

"What's a strike?"

"A strike is a concerted stopping of work or withdrawal of workers' services as to compel against an employer to accede to worker's demands or in protest against terms or conditions imposed by an employer." Itachi is already working on his dictionary skills at a young age. The kids around him were, well, shocked.

"Huh?" Kisame said, tilting his head to the side.

"**I don't get it. Do you, Zetsu?"** The black side of Zetsu asked. "No." Hidan stepped in.

"What the kid's trying to say is that we should make signs and yell!" A chorus of 'oh' came from the kids.

"But who are we yelling at?" Sasori asked.

"The teachers, duh. They think that they can just order us around? Haven't you asked yourself why we have to follow what they say?" Some of them nodded in agreement. Some were still hesitant.

"But Konan-sensei is a good girl, and Pein-sensei is…a…a.." Tobi stopped to think.

"**A bad carrot."** Zetsu finished.

"He tripped me, un!" Hidan clapped his hands.

"Okay, who's in the strike?" Kisame, Deidara, Zetsu, and Tobi raised their hands.

"What about you, money boy?" Kakuzu twirled his fingers and shuffled his feet nervously.

"Will this cost any money?" Hidan shook his head.

"It will cost you if you don't join." Hidan threatened. Kakuzu nodded and raised his hand. Hidan faced the two who weren't in…yet.

"Those who don't join are stupid." More gasps from the crowd.

"HIDA-CHAN, DON'T SAY THE 'S' WORD! YOU ARE A BAD BOY!" Tobi exclaimed.

"Shut up! I don't care!" Even more gasps. Deidara even fainted from shock.

"He said the other 's' word."

"You two better join!"

"Or else what?" Sasori asked.

"Or else….um…I will turn you into a puppet!"

"I want to be one." Sasori retorted.

"I will burn all you Pinocchio DVD's!" Sasori's eyes widened.

"You wouldn't!" Hidan smirked.

"Try me." In a flash, Sasori was on the other side. Hidan moved on to the next one.

"Threatening me won't work." Itachi states.

"I know. I'm going to bribe you."

"With?"

"Five sticks of dango."

"SAY NO MORE! I'M OVER THERE!" That was easy. Little did Itachi know, Hidan couldn't afford any dango. It was just a lie made up on the spot, but kids will be kids. Maybe he'll forget about it tomorrow.

"Okay. You, swirly boy, I want you to sneak into the classroom and grab markers, paper, and tape."

"Can I take sempai with me?" Tobi pointed to the unconscious Deidara.

"Yeah sure, drag him along. He can't help right now anyway." And so, the masked boy dragged the blonde into the classroom and began his search for art supplies.

"The rest of you, find sticks!" Hidan barked as he made his way towards the bench.

"What are you doing?" Kisame asked.

"Watching you idiots to make sure that you don't slack off." Kisame nodded and trudged off to gather sticks.

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><p><strong>In the classroom<strong>

Tobi grabbed the materials he needed while dragging Deidara the whole time. Just when he was about to take the last box of markers, Konan and Pein returned from wherever they were before.

"Tobi, what are you doing in here?" Konan asked.

"Uhh…" Tobi didn't know what to say. Konan spotted Deidara.

"OMIGOD! DID YOU KILL HIM?"

"NO! Tobi did not kill sempai!" Pein stepped in.

"Relax, he's not dead. See?" A bucket magically appeared in his hands and he filled it up with ice cold water. He swung the bucket and _splash_, water poured all over Deidara. He jolted awake.

"I DON'T WANT TO GO TO ANTARCTICA, UN!" Silence…

"What?" Pein said. Deidara shivered and sneezed violently. Konan rushed over with a tissue.

"Oh, you poor baby. Pein, apologize!"

"What! Me? Apologize to a kid?"

"YES!"

"Noooo thank you."

"DO IT!" Konan did her creepy glare. Pein held up a white flag.

"Okay, I give up. I'm sorry." He mumbled the last part.

"What? I didn't quite catch that."

"I won't say it again!"

"You better!" Tobi took this chance to sneak out back to the playground.

"Soldier! What took you so long!"

"Sorry! Sensei came in and they poured water all over sempai!" Hidan sniffed.

"He was a brave soldier."

"So he became a sacrifice." Sasori said.

"Hidan-sama, what's a sacrifificie?"

"Sacrifice." Sasori corrected.

"I don't know. Itachi." Itachi cleared his throat and began explaining.

"Sacrifice: the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim." Needless to say, the children were speechless.

"Moving on! Kisame, Sasori, Tobi and money boy, prepare the signs. Show me the sticks!" Everyone was busy. Zetsu presented a stick to Hidan. The size: approximately 5 cm.

"Too short! Next!" All that was left was Itachi. He showed him five sticks.

"Here are five sticks from a Birch tree. 10 cm long 1.543 cm thick." Hidan nodded approvingly.

"Isn't it a little too long?" Itachi snapped them in half.

"Smart." Was all Hidan said.

By the time the signs were finished and taped to the sticks and the entire party was organized, recess was over. Konan opened the doors once again only to find all the kids in a straight line, protesting.

"WE WON'T GO IN!" Hidan yelled and the others repeated.

"WE WANT CANDY!"

"NO MORE SCHOOL!"

"TEACHERS ARE STUPID!"

"TEACHERS ARE….." The others didn't say any more than that. They were good kids and promised their mommies that they wouldn't swear. Hidan turned around.

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW WHAT I SAY!"

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW WHAT I SAY!" They repeated.

"NO! NOT LIKE THAT!"

"NO! NOT LIKE THAT!" Hidan facepalmed. They followed. Hidan continued shouting while the others followed what he said. Tobi continued shouting random things while all this happened.

"TOBI WANTS CANDY! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! LOLLIPOPS ARE GOOD! TOBI HAVE A LITTLE SISTER! TOBI LIKES SWIRLIES!" Konan looked confused and amused.

"Pein!" And it was Pein to the rescue! He came out screaming like a banshee. The kids were so scared that they shut up. Konan, being the smart woman she is, had a video camera.

"Pein, gather them up. It's time for nap time."

"Yes, madam!" He grabbed one kid at a time and flung them inside the class. Hidan thrashed and screamed.

"NO! I WILL NOT LET YOU TAKE ME AWAY INTO THE CASTLE OF THE DEVIL! I WANT MY FREEDOM BACK!"

" Yeah, yeah. Shut your trap!" Pein threw Hidan inside.

"I got them all!"

"Good. Oh and…" She held up the camera. "See you on YouTube, Mr. Screaming Banshee Carrot!"

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><p>Yay, I finished the second chapter!<p>

All definitions belong to and I do not own YouTube! Please review! Bye!


	3. Enter! The Criminal's Families!

**Enter! The Criminal's Families!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!**

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><p>The classroom buzzed with excitement. It was the day the kids were excited about! The day the parents feared! The day that the teachers…were teachers! It was bring your family to school day!<p>

"Tobi, did you bring your entire family to school?"

"Yeah! Because Tobi is a good boy!"

"Baka! You're crowding the whole classroom!" Tobi's mom pushed Tobi away.

"Don't you call my son stupid! I'll sue you!"

"With what?"

"Well, my husband happens to be a lawyer." Pein rolled his eyes.

"My dad was in the military."

"My husband earns $10,000 a month!"

"My dad has an AK-47!" And so, began the war between teacher and parent.

"My husband's 35!"

"MY DAD'S DEAD!"

"Oh…I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm fine." He was not fine at all. The carrot head teacher turned away and started sniffling.

"He was a brave man…sniff. He did something that no one in the Army dared do. He died a hero." The rest of the class listened and Konan prepared a giant box of Kleenex, rectangular box, 450 count, ultra soft.

"What happened?" Pein sniffed one last time and told the story of his so-called heroic father.

"He was courageous. He was a true man. He…he…" The class leaned in to listen better.

"He betrayed his squad and went to the enemy's side, then the entire Army was after him and they threw rocks at him till one hit his head and he had a concussion then died from..from.."

"From?"

"FROM A WEASEL'S BITE ON HIS BUTT!" Silence….

"OOH ITACHI! YOU KILLED PEIN-SENSEI'S DAD!" The classroom was loud and lively again. Partly due to the kids blaming poor Itachi for the death of Pein's dad, and partly due to Pein's cries.

"HE WAS A BRAVE MAN! I WILL EXTERMINATE ALL WEASELS!" He then proceeded with trying to strangle Itachi to death. Konan brought order back to everything.

"Okay, you!" She pointed to a parent. "Call security. You, call the mental hospital. And you." She grabbed Pein's ear. "Are fired." She clapped her hands.

"Kids, sit in your chairs and we will continue with this day. Who wants to go first?"

"TOBI DOES! TOBI DOES!"

"Someone quieter." Kakuzu silently raised his hand. Konan called on him. He walked up with his parents.

"This is my dad, he works at a bank and my mom works at a bank too."

"That's great Kakuzu-chan, are you going to work at the bank when you grow up too?" Everyone expected him to say yes, but instead he surprised them with his answer.

"No. I want to sell insurance at Progressive. I want to be like Flo!" He then paused for a while to dream about his love, Flo, money, and insurance buyers.

"Okay…who wants to go next?" Konan called on Itachi, who brought his mom and brother, Sasuke.

"This is my mom. She makes the best cookies! And this is my brother, Sasuke….he poops a lot."

"That's very interesting, anything else you want to say?"

"Yeah. One day in about 10 years, I will kill my whole family, leaving Sasuke alive. Then, he will hate me for all his life and try to kill me. Oh, and pi equals 3.14159265."

"Somebody call the mental hospital again and tell them to make room for two. Kisame why don't you go next?"

"Okay, bring her in, boys!" Two construction workers burst in, carrying a giant fish tank containing Kisame's mom.

"This is my mom, I feed her food and talk to her alllll the time. She doesn't say much though. But that's okay, it's better than talking to my dad. He talks TOO much."

"That sounds…great, Kisame. Who wants to go next?"

"TOOOOOBBBBBIIIII! PIICCKKKKKKKK TTTTOOOOOOBBBBBBIIII TTHHHHEEE GOOOOD BOOOY INNNN YOURR CLASSSSSS!"

"OKAY FINE JUST GET ON WITH IT!" Konan was near the end of her patience.

Tobi skipped up with his 33 family members and 2 babies.

"THIS IS MY MOM, AND MY DAD THE LAWYER. THIS IS MY LITTLE SISTER MIA-CHAN, AND MY DOGGIE, BARK. MY UNCLE TOM, AUNT FLUFFY, COUSIN BOB, COUSIN CAKE, COUSIN JOHN, SECOND COUSIN TWICE REMOVED PIE, GRANDMA CARROT, GRANDPA CARROT CAKE, GRANDMA STRAWBERRY, GRANPA STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE, GREAT-GRANDMA HIC, GREAT-GRANDPA UP, GREAT UNCLE BARNEY, MY MOM'S BOSS ELMO, MY DAD'S COWORKER APE, I FORGOT YOUR NAME, AND YOURS, JOHNNYBOB, WOOFIE, MY COUSIN IZUNA….." Tobi continued listing off his family members that's too long and unimportant to this story. If you feel that you absolutely need this information then you may PM me for it, but now we will cut it off.

"AND THE TWINS, JACK AND JILL." Tobi finished after twenty minutes, consisting of him listing off names and constantly forgetting some. Konan fell asleep on her desk and the class had to throw pencils at her to wake up her.

"Huh? Oh, you're finished. Okay, Hidan. Go." Hidan walked up by himself.

"My dad's suffering from some stupid hangover and is asleep on the couch. My mom's working. She works in some place where they only allow twenty one years and older people in it." Don't get the wrong idea, Hidan's mom works as a professional poker player.

"What's a hangover?"

"HIDAN SAID THE 'S' WORD AGAIN!"

"Hidan, you're suspended for two days. Sasori, you're up next." Sasori walked up with his grandma and Pinocchio plushy.

"This is my grandma, and this is my bestest friend in the world!" He snuggled his little doll, then sat back down.

"Zetsu or Deidara, which one wants to go next?"

"I do, un!"  
>"No, I'm going!"<p>

" My name starts before yours so I'm next, un."

"No, it goes Z A B C D L M G Y T R I S F D J now I know my ZAB's next time won't you sing with me?"

"…Fine, un!" Zetsu excitedly held his dad's hand to the front of the room.

"This is my dad and he works as a botanist."

"What's a botanist?"

"They study trees, flowers, and other happy stuff!"

"Like rainbows?"

"YEAH!" Zetsu sat down and it was Deidara's turn.

"My daddy isn't here because he's working. He makes bombs, un! This is my mommy, un. Sometimes I don't like her because she makes me eat yucky green stuff, un. But if I tell her that, she says that she'll ship me off to Antarctica to live with penguins. I don't want to live with penguins, un!" Deidara burst out crying. His embarrassed mother picked up her son and took him back to his seat.

"Thank you for coming today, parents. I really enjoyed meeting you all and learning more about the students." The parents were relieved that they could finally leave and that concludes the bring your family to school day.

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><p>I worked on this for two hours! Finally finished. I thought this chapter was okay though. Probably not the best, but hope you liked it. Bye!<p> 


	4. A Quick Health Lesson

**A Quick Health Lesson**

*Giant apologetic GrinXD* Yeah, haven't updated this in a month either. Don't blame me! Blame…Bleach-_-" hehehe yeah…not a very good excuse, ne? Well, sorry! At least I actually updated^3^ I know! I'm surprised too!

**Disclaimer: I Don't Own Naruto. If I did…well, stuff will happen….**

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><p>Konan prepared the board for today's lesson. <strong>Vitamins and Minerals, <strong>she wrote. Pein was **supposed **to buy some gummy vitamins at the drug store. Instead, he is at Starbucks, enjoying a warm latte. Konan was furiously setting up the room and texting Pein at the same time.

**Konan: **Pein! Where r u?

**Pein: **Walmart. Rlly long line.

**Konan: **Hurry! 2 hrs. till start of skool!

**Pein: **Ok, c u in a few.

Pein stared at his phone while munching on a cookie. _I'll just stay for a few more minutes…or maybe after a few more cookies…the bagels look pretty good too…so do the muffins…I want to try that peppermint mocha too…_

While Pein was daydreaming in his world of Starbucks goodies, Konan decided to take a little break from school and get something to drink. She pulled into the Starbucks and walked in. After ordering, she found all the seats taken, except one, in front of a guy with awfully familiar orange hair.

"Excuse me, is this seat…" Konan realized who she was talking too. Pein, drooling, with a half-eaten cookie in one hand and his phone in another. Konan stood there for a while, staring, before taking her revenge. She replaced Pein's cookie with his phone and ate his cookie.

"Pein! Wake up!" Pein slowly returned to reality and stared at Konan for a while, not quite remembering who she was. Without thinking about it, he took a bite of his 'cookie'. Instead, he got a mouthful of phone, it broke with a sickening crunch. It took him a minute to realize his cookie was gone, replaced with his phone, and the evil woman in front of him was his cru- I mean, co-worker.

"Ko-konan!"

"Good morning, Pein. I trust that you are awake and ready for **work**?" She asked.

"Yeah…of course I am."

"And the vitamins?" She asked, anger dangerously creeping into her voice.

"I'll get them!"

"**NOW!**" Pein scrambled out of his seat, grabbing his coffee and, now broken, phone. He ran out the door as fast as he could, before returning a minute later and grabbing one of his cookies. Konan sat down and enjoyed a little peace and quiet for once.

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><p><strong>8:00 A.M. School<strong>

"Good morning class." Konan greeted.

"Morning, teacher." Konan stared at Pein, hinting that he should say something.

"Okay, all you Fuzzballs! Listen up! Today we are going to talk about Vitamins and Minerals! Any questions?" Little Sasori raised his hands.

"Can I be called a Fuzzbucket instead?"

"Lemme think about it…no." Sasori pouted.

"Fat meanie." He whispered to Deidara, who giggled.

"I HEARD THAT!" The two kids stuck their tongue out.

"So, let's talk about vitamins first. There are six types of vitamins, A B C D E K. B splits into many other groups too, but you won't learn them right now."

"Where's vitamin F?"

"And J!"

"THEY MISSED H! THOSE IDIOTS LEFT H OUT!"

"Calm down, Hidan."

"BUT H IS THE BEST LETTER IN THE ALPHA…ALPHA.."

"Alphabet?"

"ALPHABET!"

"Well you see, there isn't a reason to explain why they skipped F G H I J."

"It's because those letters aren't special enough!"

"Pein!" Hidan started 'swearing', while Itachi looked depressed and hung his head in shame.

"What about the rest of the alphabet, un?"

"Well..um.."

"Those aren't special enough either."

"PEIN!" The rest of the class whose name started with L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y and Z burst into tears, saying that they weren't special enough. Kisame stood up on his desk.

"Hahaha! I'm special and you're not~ I'm special and you're not~" He sang, hula dancing all along. Soon, Deidara joined in. After a while, Kakuzu did too.

"It's ok, you are special. YOU BOYS GET DOWN! No, no. Don't cry." Konan tried to comfort the criers while trying to stop the dancers at the same time. She got fed up and threw a white board eraser at Pein.

"What?"

"DO SOMETHING."

"Something." He said.

"Don't make me get over there!"

"Fine, fine." Lazily, he got up and took care of the dancing kids. By 'took care' I meant that he pushed them off their desks and told them to 'Shut Up'.

"PEIN!"

"What? I did something." Konan sighed. He was right, she did tell him to do something, and he did.

"Okay kids, let's move on. Minerals." The kids listened. Pein sat on his desk and watched YouTube on Konan's phone(his was broken.) laughing occasionally.

"There are many types of minerals. We'll be focusing on just a few simpler ones. First, calcium. Does anyone know where we find calcium?" Sasori raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"Isn't it in all the foods?"

"Um..no. I think you're thinking of calories. Calcium is found in milk and milk products."

"Like cheese?"

"Yes, like cheese."

"TOBI LOVES CHEESE!"

"HAHAHAHAHA" Everyone turned to look at Pein, laughing at some video he was watching.

"LOOK AT THIS STUPID GUY! HE JUST SET HIS PANTS ON FIRE!" Konan facepalmed and went to take an aspirin. The whole class spent the rest of the day watching YouTube videos while Konan, poor Konan, had to listen to loud five year olds and a twenty five year old laugh at the stupidest things with a throbbing headache. Ten minutes before the bell, Konan snatched her phone back, ignoring all the 'awws' and 'boos'.

"We're going on a field trip tomorrow." The 'boos' automatically turned into 'yays'.

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know."

"Huh?"

"We haven't decided yet. Now get your parents to sign these tonight." Konan said, passing out permission slips, just as the bell rang.

"You are now dismissed, Fuzzballs." She used Pein's nickname for the kids. Pein silently cried tears of joy in the back of the classroom.

"…Pein?"

* * *

><p>Okay, so the next chapter will be their field trip! I want you to vote for the place that you want them to go! Here are the choices"<p>

**Beach**

**Hospital**

**Zoo**

**Another School**

**Pein's House**

Vote in a review and in a poll that I'll have up! I'll combine the votes together and the one with the highest votes win!

Now about some other stuff…I actually got the idea for this chapter from schoolXD in home ec, we were learning about nutrients and stuff then in health we had to learn about the same thingT_T I had to hear about the same boring thing twice! Sigh, it was torture, so boring…but yeah.

Me and Madin456 are writing a story together!*Cheers* It's called A Normal Day in the Akatsuki. Check it out if you have time! It's in her profile, btw. Thanks for reading! Remember to vote and review! Bye!


	5. The Field Trip To Pein'sHouse?

**The Field Trip To Pein's..House?**

Hi! Yes, this is an update! Pein's house got the most votes and Zoo came in a close second(just by one vote!) I really liked both ideas so..yeah!

**Disclaimer: I think you get the point by now...I don't own Naruto! I own a plushie, does that count?**

* * *

><p>It was time for the field trip! The preschool just <strong>had <strong>to choose the coldest day of the week to go. It was thirty degrees and snowing. The excited children came in with heavy coats, scarves and boots. Konan wanted to kick Pein for making the go outside. The snow will mess up her hair! She just got it cut yesterday(and her nails done too. Cobalt blue, isn't that such a pretty color?). She even woke up an hour early to style it perfectly. This morning was sunny too! It was, right up until Pein walked inside the classroom. Yes, the second the door clicked, the wind started blowing and snow came down like salt in a salt shaker!

"Where are we going for our field trip?" Kisame asked. Konan looked at Pein since he was the one who planned all of this.

"We are going to...wait for it...MY HOUSE!" The children cheered! Not out of joy, but because they will be able to trash his house and get away with it! Konan was interested because she never seen Pein's house before, though most likely it will be a dump, since that's just the type of person he is.

Konan had everyone line up and took attendance.

"Deidara."

"Here, un."

"Hidan."

"Here, lady."

"Itachi."

"Hn."

"Kakuzu."

"I'll tell you if you give me a penny!"

"Kisame."

"Here."

"Sasori."

"I'm here."

"Tobi."

"The good boy is-"

"Zetsu."

"Konan-san! Tobi didn't finish his speech yet!" Konan sighed.

"Alright Tobi, continue." Tobi cleared his throat.

"Ahem, Tobi the good boy is ... Tobi is here!" Konan decided that she...needs an aspirin, like right now.

"Pein continue the attendance." It wasn't neccesary since there was one left.

"Zetsu." No answer.

"Zetsu-chan is gone because it's cold so he needs to hib-hiber...hibernanate!"

"Hibernate?"

"Yeah that!" said Tobi. Plants hibernate? Pein thought. He really needs to take biology again or plantology, whatever. Konan returned from her break and the class filed outside to the bus with Konan in front and Pein bringing up the rear.

* * *

><p>"Where's the driver?" They were outside and the bus was there, but the driver was nowhere to be seen.<p>

"I'll call him." Pein said, quickly dialing the driver's number. "He didn't pick up."

"Call the company." So he did. The conversation went like this:

**Lady: Hello, this is Konoha Super Ninja Bus Driving. I'm Shizune, how may I help you?**

**Pein: I'm Pein from Akatsuki Preschool.**

**Shizune: Ah, Carrot-sa- I meant Pein-san! How can I help you?**

**Pein: I had a bus for the field trip, the bus is here but the driver's not.**

**Shizune: Hmm...let me check for you *typing on the keyboard* Your bus number was 001762 and the driver is supposed to be Jiraiya. I'm sorry but he suddenly have bladder failure.**

**Pein: What?**

**Shizune: That means that he will uncontrollably piss himself at the wrong time**

**Pein:O_O uh...ok. I'll just drive the bus then.**

**Shizune: Okay, have a nice day!**

"What happened?" Konan asked as soon as he hung up.

"Bladder failure."

"What?"

"That means that he would uncontrollably pi-" He looked at the children, then thought about his word choice. "Uncontrollably wet his pants at the wrongest time, so I'll be driving."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Of course it is! I was street racing since sixteen!"

"That's exactly what I'm worried about..." Konan whispered. The kids excitedly hopped up the steps and found a seat quickly. Pein sat in the driver's seat and stared at the large steering wheel for a long time.

"I don't need this big thing!" He popped the wheel right off and threw it out the door like a frisbee. Then, he walked to his car and took the steering wheel. After that, he replaced the bus's wheel with his smaller one.

"Better." He started the engine and off they go.

Throughout the ride, all the kids sang children songs. Pein, on the other hand, was **far** from happy.

"Oh you...Would you just...move out of the...way! I got a busload of children here! You inconsiderate...I will...cut your...head off!" Konan tried not to laugh when Pein covered up his swearing by pausing. It was a long ride indeed. Pein was driving the bus like he was really racing. He cut in front of cars lane after lane, causing a lot of angry honks.

"Pein, be careful!"

"Why don't you try driving, woman!" Konan was so angry at the remark, she bashed Pein's head with Tobi.

The ride was supposed to be half an hour, but with Pein's driving, several times being pulled over, and the constant bathroom breaks, the ride took an hour and a half. They finally arrived at Pein's house a.k.a **the zoo.**

* * *

><p>"Pein! Why are we at the zoo?"<p>

"This is my house!"

"I'm sure it is." The walked to the entrance and Pein flashed a pass at the workers of the zoo. They let them all in immediately. The kids, who've never been to a zoo before, oohed and ahhed at the different animals.

"Sasori-chan, guess what, un!

"What?"

"Monkey Butt!" The blond started laughing.

"Huh?"

"Look!" He pointed to a cage, and sure enough, there was a gret big monkey butt in their face.

"OOOOH! That looks like Pein-san's face!" The two laughed at their little joke.

Kisame was in a trance. He kept walking towards the zoo's aquarium and Itachi was the one responsible of pulling him back.

"Shaaaaark."

"No, Kisame! Bad shark, bad shark!"

"Fishyyyyy!"

"No fish!"

"Octopussss!"

"No, no, no!"

"Weasellllll!"

"No wea-wait. Those aren't aquatic animals!"

Hidan pointed to a very wrinkly elephant.

"Kakuzu look! That's you."

"No that's not! He can't count as well as I can!" Kakuzu looked around and spotted the flamingoes.

"Look! There's you! Little Hidan-chan dressed in a pink tutu dancing like a little girly!"

"They're not wearing tutus, stupid!"

"I'm not stupid, you're stupid!"

"No, you are!"

"No, you!"

"You!"

"You are!"

Tobi was fascinated with everything. But the animal he loved the most was the giraffe. He didn't understand how they had such long necks.

"Deidara-chan, Sasori-chan, can you help Tobi?"

"What do you want, un?"

"I want you to pull Tobi's head and Sasori-chan to pull Tobi's legs, so Tobi can look like a giraffe!"

"Okay!" So they took Tobi's head and feet and pulled.

"OW OW OW! TOBI HURTS!" Konan rushed over and detached them.

"What are you boys doing?"

"Tobi wants to look like a giraffe!"

"No, you will not! Keep walking!" Pein led them to an empty cage.

"Welcome to my house!"

"Pein, " I know you can be psycho sometimes and also have an overactive imagination, but this is going too far."

"No, I swear this is my house! Look at the sign!" He pointed to the sign and the rest of the class, including Konan, got closer to take a look. Sure enough, 'PEIN' was written on the sign in...pink crayon?

"Come on in!" Pein unlocked the cage and they went in. Inside looked just like a regular house, bed, sofa, desk, chair, even a TV and a full kitchen! "The rent's pretty cheap here. Fifty dollars a month and a bag of fish food! It's like living in the middle of a jungle!" Konan took a tour around.

"Where's your bathroom?"

"I use the zoo's. In the Summer, I like to swim with the hippos! Winter is the best time to ski with penguins! Speaking of which, let me turn the heat on." He clicked a button on the remote and the cage-house got several degrees warmer. While Pein was trying to 'impress' Konan with his 'house', Tobi had the best idea of his life, which he whispered to Deidara, who whispered it to Sasori who passed it on to the others. Itachi quietly took out a bag of mini carrots from the fridge and the kids slipped out of the cage, locking it inside and out. They may be kids, but they were smarter than Einstein!

"Are you guys ready, un?"

"Ready!"

"Ok, let's go!" Tobi began his speech.

"Ahem, Hello tourists! This is Tobi the Good Boy acting as your tour guide for the day! Here, we have our popular attraction, PEIN! Now be careful, he bites and he does yell a lot. So please use the complimenatarary ear plugs that we provided."

"It's complimentary." Itachi added.

"Yes, thank you Dictionary-san. He has a very exotic hair color named Carrot Orange and hairstyle named Sonic the Hedgehog. He has a crush on the attraction named KONAN. She has a special hair color named Very Berry Blue. Any questions?"

"Can we feed them?" Hidan asked.

"Yes you may. My assistant, Deidara will pass out the food."

"Why am I the assistant, un?"

"Because you are!"

"Will this cost any money?" Kakuzu asked full of concern.

"No, this is all absolutely free." By this time, the two teachers noticed the kid's absence.

"Pein, they're outside! Get the door!" Pein rushed to the door, but it was locked. He took out his giant ring of keys, which must've had at least 50 in it.

"Why do you have so many keys!"

"They're for all the cages in the zoo!"

"Now, dear tourists, feed them to your hearts content!" They children threw carrots happily at their teachers.

"Ow! Stop! Ow! Carrots!" Believe me, those mini carrots can really hurt! Soon, Konan joined in.

"Ow!" Pein quickly ran over and shielded her from the evil carrots.

"Ow! Okay, stop and I'll buy you ice-cream!"

"It's too cold for ice-cream!"

"Hot chocolate?"

"Okay!" Tobi went to unlock the door, but not before aiming a carrot at a very painful spot.

"Ow! Da..Fu...Shi...Fu...OW!" Yet again, Pein covered up his swears. Finally, the teachers were let out and they toured the zoo for real. Before going back to the school, they stopped by Starbucks and Pein got everyone hot chocolate. In the end, Pein decided that he never wants to organize a field again. Ever.

* * *

><p>Aww Pein protected Konan from..carrots! PeinKona fans unite! Hehehe. I want to thank <strong>Ilovepainandtobi317 <strong>for giving me the idea of throwing food at Pein and to all of you who voted and reviewed! Free hugs for you all! Don't want one? Fine. Free hot chocolate! For the next chapter, I was thinking of having a substitute teacher. Who should the sub be? Tell me in a review! Thanks for reading and bye!


	6. Where's Our Teacher?

**Where's Our Teacher?**

* * *

><p>Something was off. All the children felt it. They clung to each other, in fear of the darkness creeping upon them. Slowly, the door creaked opened and stopped with a dramatic 'Bang!'. The children shuffle to get closer. Slowly, they can make out the silhouette of two fairly tall people. One had spiky hair and the other was...oddly shaped. The masked boy threw himself at the poor blonde next to him as they braced themselves for what was to come.<p>

"Who turned off the lights?" One of the shadows spoke. The little ones simultaneously scooted back from their position in the middle of the room.

"I dunno, Kakashi. Can you just take over for a bit? Damn bladder failure.." They gasped inside their hearts upon hearing the 'swear word'. Again, scooting back further.

"Sure, Jiraiya-san. Don't take too long though." The other person left the doorway in a rush. The children scooted way back...

"OW!" Hidan scooted a little too back, knocking a mysterious item over. Quickly, the lights flashed on.

"Well, there goes the trash can." The frightened kids studied the stranger from head to toe. He had unusual silver hair styled in spikes, fairly tall. He looked like he was smiling but the most unusual thing about him probably was...

"NINJA!" They all shouted. Yes, the thing about him was, he had a mask covering the lower part of his face.

* * *

><p>"It's here! They've come to abduct all of us!" Kisame screamed. Upon hearing this, all the others panicked and ran in circles. Hidan, who recovered from his crash with the trash can, was the only one to be brave enough to attack the intruder. He aimed little kick's at the stranger's leg. Just in time, the other man came back.<p>

"Hey, Kakashi! How's it going? I can see that you're having fun." He said, eyeing little Hidan. Kakashi just sweatdropped and awkwardly scratch the back of his head. Kisame, with new found confidence, charged at the newcomer and jumped, accidentally head butting the wrong place. Jiraiya doubled over in pain.

"Jiraiya-san, are you okay?"

"Kids...sure..has hard...heads...these...days." Jiraiya whispered each syllable in pain. "Gotta go...again..." Slowly, he limped to the bathroom. Kisame grinned and proudly stood taller, he had succeeded in fending off one intruder by headbutting his bladder!

"'Kay kids, that's enough! It's time to start class!"

"Our teachers aren't here yet!" Sasori 'politely' informed the man.

"They're not coming here today."

"HE MUST'VE KILLED THEM WITH HIS NINJA SKILLS, UN!" Upon hearing his theory, the others freaked.

"What if he kills us too?" Kisame asked?

"NOOO! TOBI DOESN'T WANT TO DIE!" This has caused madness to occur in the classroom. Itachi had enough of all this craziness. Calmly, he sat down in his chair. _Ignore all the crazies. _He thought. _Just ignore all the crazies. _He distracted himself by thinking of his little baby brother. _Sasuke drew me a picture yesterday. I think it's supposed to be me...it looks like a hippo's butt..._

" Itachi-chan! You're so cool, I'm going to follow you!" Kisame followed Itachi's example and slowly, others did as well. Other than Kakuzu, that is. He pulled on Kakashi's pant leg. Kakashi looked down.

"Yes?" Kakuzu stared at him with a serious look.

"Five dollars. I will sit for five dollars." The substitute chuckled.

"Ah, you kids are so funny these days. Nice try, now go sit down."

"No!" Kakashi sighed and dragged Kakuzu over, then, went to the front of the room.

"Ahem. Hi, I'm Kakashi and I'm going to be your substitute for today!"

"Hey, I'm back!" The other substitute called out from the door. He looked much older than Kakashi. He had long wait hair pulled in a low ponytail and weird red markings from his eyes.

"I'm Jiraiya, now let's take attendance!" He walked to each desk with a seating chart in hand, as he looked over the student's appearances.

"What are you supposed to be? A plant?" He asked, regarding Zetsu. "And you...I like your mask!" Tobi's eyes sparkled at the compliment.

"Ah! Such a cute little girl you are!"

"I'm a BOY, un!"

"Oh, well sorry about that. You..look pretty normal!" He told Sasori.

"I'm a puppet."

"Well...close enough. Moving on!" He walked over to Itachi and Kisame's table. "Playing with your mommy's makeup, I see. I used to do that too! And...OMIGOD!" He looked at Kisame. "What kind of foundation do you use? I want to get blue skin like you!" Kisame blushed, turning his face purple. "Hmm..you look pretty normal too!" He told Hidan. "You! Are just...I don't know what to say." Kakuzu slumped at the comment.

"Just kidding! You're cool!" Kakuzu smiled.

* * *

><p>"Let's begin our lesson." Kakashi said.<p>

"Yes! Let's! With a quick health lesson!" Jiraiya interrupted. Kakashi stared at his teaching partner.

"Jiraiya-san, are you sure that's okay?"

"Nonsense, Kakashi! I know what to teach kids! Do not question my teaching abilities!"

"Hai..."

"Now help me pass out these books!" He said, handing Kakashi a giant tower of books. Kakashi's eyes widened at the title.

"Is this the new book you wrote?"

"Of course! The one and only: **Icha Icha Love, Kiss, Paradise!**" He declared.

"Can I..have a copy after class?"

"Of course you may, my dear friend!" Kakashi spaced out for a second, daydreaming about the books.

"Kakashi. The books."

"What?"

"The. Books. In your arms?" Kakashi looked down and seemed to notice the giant stack for the first time.

"Oh, right." After the books have been passed out, Jiraiya started the lesson **that we will not cover! *** Audience Boos* Okay, if you insist! Then it went a bit like this: Jiraiya gave the kids a full-on summary of the book.

"So the main character and the other main character *******************************************************************then*********************************************************************the end."

That's how the whole class went by. The authoress did not want to spoil the book for whoever that wants to read it, therefore, some information are censored.

* * *

><p>After the lesson, they had lunch and the kids went outside for recess. Quickly, they all gathered together to discuss the teachers.<p>

"I still think Kakashi is a ninja!" Kisame said.

"What if he really killed them, un?"

"Tobi wants Pein and Konan-san back!"

"Maybe he kidnapped them for money!" Suggested Kakuzu. Hidan was in a little dream world of his own.

"Do you think I can get a copy of the book later?" He whispered. Recess was over. The second part of school began.

"For the second part, we decided to do something fun. You guys will get to ask us a question and we'll answer." Kakashi explained. Hidan excitedly raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"Can I have a copy of the book?"

"Uhh..." Kakashi sweat dropped. "Jiraiya-san?"

"What? Oh. Of course! I want to pass my great literature to children of every age! Here you go, my little friend!" He tossed Hidan a book, who smiled and excused himself to the back of the room. Deidara raised his hand.

"Are you a ninja?"

"Um, no. I'm not." Kakashi answered, feeling awkward. Kisame had the next question.

"Did you kill our teachers?"

"No. They're just out sick." The students nodded. Kakuzu asked the next question.

" Where do you work and what is your hourly wage?"

"I..work as an FBI and what I get paid is non of your business."

"Hm. Smart." The kids were excited upon hearing the word 'FBI'.

"Do you have a gun, un?"

"Not right now. Next question?"

"This is for Jiraiya-san. So, you write books about love. Are you in love? Do you have a significant other? Or are you a player? Perhaps single still? Aren't you too old to be teaching? You look like you should be retired by now." Itachi asked. Jiraiya was happy to finally get attention, but was overwhelmed by the question. Leave it to Itachi to ask something like that.

"Well you see..Oh! Bladder calls! I have to leave now!" Jiraiya sped out of there as fast as his legs could carry him.

"That's all the time we have. It's time to go home! I had fun teaching you guys today!"

"Bye-bye FBI dude!"

"AND THE AWESOME GUY WHO GAVE ME THIS BOOK!"

* * *

><p>...Is it possible to have a little anime crush from writing fanfiction? Cuz I kind of have a little crush on Kakashi after writing this chapter. -_-" isn't that weird? Anyways...what should I write for the next chapter? * Thinks about all the possibilities* hmm...I don't know yet! But thanks for reading! Bye!<p> 


	7. Return of the PeinKo Teacher Dual!

**Return of the PeinKo Teacher Dual**

* * *

><p>"Should we go in?"<p>

"What if Mr. FBI is still there?" The students of Akatsuki Preschool gathered in a circle outside, five minutes before class. They were debating whether to go to class, or pack up and ride a bus to Disneyland.

"We can't go in, or else Spiky will shoot us like pew-pew!" Kisame warned, mimicking a gun with his fingers.

"You guys are all big fat babies! I'm going in!" Hidan bravely puffed out his chest and stopped right in. Honestly, he was actually hoping to see the two subs again. More specifically, he wanted to see Jiraiya again. After reading that beautifully written book, Hidan just had to meet him again. Little Hidan decided that when he grows up, he will become just like Jiraiya. Single, old, and forever alone. _Of course, _Hidan thought, _I'm going to be better looking than he is. The ladies will love me! _

"Hidan. Hidan. Hidan!" Kakuzu kicked the daydreaming Hidan.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"Get in there, un! Before Tobi wets himself!" Tobi was currently ten feet away from the group, hiding behind the slide, whimpering like a little puppy.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm going in!"

"Bye-bye Hidan! Be careful in there! I've always loved you! Not really...but you were a great friend! Even though you stole my crayons once...but you're still my friend! Even after you threw me in a pool!"

"Kisame...just...shut up." Itachi silenced the shark.

Hidan marched right up to the door and flung it open.

* * *

><p>"Oh, hello Hidan." Konan greeted. "Class isn't starting yet. Go outside and wait for two minutes, 'kay?" Konan was in the middle of talking with Pein, who was standing next to her. Hidan grumbled 'yes' and stomped out. No Jiraiya today, maybe next time.<p>

"How was it, un?" asked Deidara, while giving a bored Sasori a piggy-back ride.

"They're back."

"Yay! We won't die!" The kids cheered.

"Where's plant boy?"

"Zetsu? He's over there, trying to comfort Tobi."

Sure enough, behind the slide was a blushing Zetsu offering Tobi a dandelion he found on the playground. Tobi happily accepted the gift and gave Zetsu a big bear hug, leaving his face flushed.

Soon, Konan came out to welcome the class in, and the two excitedly hopped over to join the rest of the group.

After everyone was settled, Konan began talking.

"Good morning guys! I heard good news from the sub! Sorry, we weren't at school last week. Pein choked on a carrot and ended up in the E.R."

"It was food poisoning! Sheesh, get it right!" Pein corrected.

"Right...like I didn't see you waving your arms in the air with half a carrot in your mouth, asking for my help!"

"I did not!"

"Well, kids, who do you believe? Me, or Pein?"

"You!" They all yelled in unision.

"Damn straight!" Konan yelled in victory and then covered her mouth as she realized her mistake. "Um..I meant, yay for me! Now, I gotta make some copies. Pein, take over!"

Pein stood up and waited for Konan to leave the room before trying to clear up the situation.

* * *

><p>"It was food poisoning, I tell you! Food! Poisoning! Now who's with me?" Pein asked, raising his hand with a giant grin. Not one hand raised up.<p>

"I think that means no one agrees with you." Kisame whispered.

"Oh shut up, fishy! Let's begin the stupid lesson!" Gasp!

"You said a bad word!" Itachi stated as if it was the end of the world.

"My ears! They're bleeding, un!" Deidara clutched his ears and dramatically fell out of his chair.

"Dei-Dei-Senpai! Tobi will help you!" The masked boy ran across the room, only to get smacked upside on his head by Deidara.

"Don't call me that, un!"

"AHEM!" Pause...wait for it..."Nap time." Pein announced, and all Hell broke loose.

"Nooo! No naptime!" Kakuzu screeched.

"Tobi no like naptime...sniff."

"No way will I take a stupid nap ,you...you...Cheerio face!" Pein tried to hold the urge to throw a chair at Hidan.

"You...I..Nobody calls me...Just...ARGH! Okay, come on Pein, get yourself together! Remember what the therapist said! Deep breathe in, breathe out. Fooo-hah. Fooo-hah." Pein said to himself. After he recollected himself, Pein tried a new tactic to get the kids to sleep.

"You know what's different about this naptime?" He whispered.

"What?" The group whispered back.

"You get to sleep...on your desk!"

"Oooooh."

"I know, ooh, right? Now, climb on your desk, and **sleep.**" Everyone shuffled around and made themselves comfortable on their 'bed'.

"Move over, fat baby!" Hidan pushed Kakuzu off the desk they shared, causing the latter to cry out in pain. Pein, walked over and solved the problem by picking Hidan, and dropping him on the non-carpeted part of the floor. _Haha, that's for calling me Cheerio face!_

"Ow! What'd you do that for?"

"Hidan, you will now sleep on the floor. Kakuzu, you get the desk to yourself."

"Thank you!"

Finally, everyone was snoring away. Except for Pein, who is finally alone and wondering what's taking Konan so long, it has been ten minutes. Bored, Pein decided to kill time by watching YouTube videos again, like he does everyday. _Tap, tap-tap, play._

"Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan Nyan!"

"Oh shit!" Pein whispered, quickly silencing his phone before looking up to see if any of the kids had woken up. Thankfully, they were still sound asleep.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Konan was rushing around the school. First of all, the printer ran out of ink <em>and <em>paper. So, fixing that took ten minutes. Then, she fast-walked back to the classroom and unintentionally tripped, dropping all of the papers into a random paper shredder in the middle of the hallway. Already tired, she ran back to the copy room and reprinted all of the papers again, taking another 15 minutes. After the papers printed again, she sprinted back to the class.

Three videos and a chocolate bar later, Pein heard the door open. Konan came in, breathless, and found the room, dark. All the kids were laying on their desk, with the exception of Hidan on the floor.

"Pein! What did you do! Did you kill them all?"

"No! It's naptime." He informed her.

"Uh, no it's not! Wake up! All of you!" She yelled, then made her way to all the tables, shaking every child awake.

And so, class officially began with a bunch of sleepy, pissed off children, a tired, and breathless Konan, and Pein, who now sported a gigantic bump on his head.

"Okay, let's start out by talking about different colors! Blue and- yes, Hidan?"

"Is it lunchtime yet?"

"You don't have lunch time." Konan replied. "So anyways, blue and red makes- what is it now, Hidan?"

"What about snack time?"

"No! Now, blue and red makes purple!" Konan made a sound at the sight of Hidan's hand in the air...again. "I'm not answering you're question, Hidan."

"But it's important!"

"What!"

"I have to go pee."

"Pein. Take him."

"Why should I? I'm too tired you go!"

"I think that bump on your head is getting lonely, want me to fix that for you?" Konan asked in a fake sing-song voice.

"I'm going. I'm going." Pein grumbled, dragging Hidan out by the collar.

"So," Konan continued her lesson. "Yellow, blue, and red are called _primary colors._" She wrote them down on the board. "Now when blue and yellow combine," she drew a line connecting blue and yellow. "They make green! Same with the other colors, when they mix with each other it creates a whole new color! Isn't that cool?"

"Yes."

"Now let's review. What is yellow?" She asked the same time Hidan and Pein returned.

"Pee!" He answered.

"No! Hidan, sit down!" Konan let out a sigh and rubbed her eyes. "You know what? I'm done with this color lesson. Why don't you guys tell me what you did with the sub?"

"Oh! Me! Pick me!" Hidan eagerly raised his hand. Konan kept looking around.

"Does anybody want to share?"

"Me! Me"

"Any body but Hidan?" She looked around to no avail. "Okay, fine. Hidan."

"We learned health and I got this book!" He held up his prized book. Konan gasped.

"Where did you get that!"

"From Ji-I meant from _Deidara!_" Little Hidan was smart enough to know by the tone of Konan's voice that whoever's name he says will get in trouble. He didn't want his beloved idol to get into any trouble so he put them blame on Deidara.

"Deidara! How could you? For your punishment, you will write your name one hundred times on your notebook."

"But I didn't do it, un!"

"I don't wanna hear it. And Hidan, I'll take that book."

"Aww, why?"

"Because this is for adults only!" Hidan reluctantly handed her the book.

"Can I have that?" Pein asked. Konan threw straight at Pein, knocking him out of his chair and making a dent on the wall.

"I caught it.." Pein weakly held up the book and smiled a toothless smile.

"Class is dismissed. All of you get out of here. Except Deidara."

"And Hidan!" Pein added.

"Why me?"

"You were very naughty today!"

"No way, I'm going home!"

"No, you're staying here!"

"Nuh uh."

"Yeah huh!"

"Nuuuuh uh!"

"Yeaaahhh huh!"

"BOTH OF YOU GET OUTTA HERE!"

* * *

><p>And that concludes the seventh chapter! Also I do not own Naruto, Disneyland, or Cheerios! Reviews would be nice! Thanks for reading and bye!<p> 


	8. Career Day

**Career Day**

*Clap, clap*

"All right, all you hyper monkeys! Quiet down!" Konan hollered aloud, trying to lower the volume of the room to no avail.

"Come on! Don't make me bring out the paddle!" She warned. Little Itachi tapped her leg.

"That is considered child abuse and is frowned upon by many others. Not to mention, it is illegal in 39 states and 58 countries. (Fact not proven)"

"Pein, do some-" _I forgot. He isn't here today. _Pein-sensei had 'called in sick' and taken the day off. In reality, he hanging out at the zoo because apparently, they were giving out free churros from 9 a.m to 2 p.m. Exactly the time when preschool starts and ends. So being the cheapskate that he was, he gourged himself with churros where he would learn, two hours later, that eating 50 churros in a short amount of time would earn you a one way ticket to the hospital. So much for trying to save money...

Back to the situation at hand, Konan had no choice but to bribe the little buggers with candy.

"Free candy for the first one who shuts up!" Instant success! "Okay, now that you've quieted down, who was the one who stopped talking first?"

"I was!"

"No, I did!"

"What are you talking about, un? It was obliviously me!"

"It's _**obviously, **_Deidara."

"Sh-shut up, stupid Uchiha, un! I knew that!"

"Tobi was the one who didn't talk because he is a good boy and all good boys get candy, right?"

"Wrong!"

"We should. **Get the candy. **Give it. **To usssssss." **Zetsu hissed. Everyone shuddered before directing their attention back to the argument.

"Mine!"

"No, my candy!"

"Shut up, you stupid idiots! The candy is all mine!"

"QUIET!" Konan slammed her high heel on the desk. "All of you stop and listen! If you are good for the rest of the day, then I will **consider **giving you guys candy." She tried to pull her shoe out. It stayed with the heel planted firmly on the wooden desk.

"Now will somebody help me get this thing out!"

"Okay.." Konan breathed. She had finally regained the class' attention (and her shoe). "Tomorrow is career day." Tobi raised his hand. "Questions at the end."

"But it's very important!"

"More important than this?" Konan said, her voice laced with poison.

"Yes!"

"Fine. What is it now?"

"Tobi needs to go!" The masked boy frantically yelled, flailing his arms around and hitting innocent bystanders...mainly Zetsu.

"Go where?"

"Go!"

"Where?"

"Tobi needs to go!"

"TOBI, WHERE DO YOU NEED TO GO?"

"Too late..." The boy hung his head in shame.

And so, one accident and two rolls of paper towels later, Konan took an aspirin and settled herself on her chair. Oh, and Tobi is officially on diapers again starting tomorrow.

"As I was saying, last week I said that it will be career day tomorrow. So, remember what you need tomorrow!"

"What do we need, woman?" Hidan asked.

"I'll answer if you ask nicely, Hidan."

"I did. I could've said something worse." Konan blushed an angry red.

"And I could always call your mother."

"No! Not that crazy lady!"

"Then say please."

"Heck no!" Konan reached for the phone and began to dial slowly. "Okay, PLEASE! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!" Konan smirked.

"Tomorrow, you will come in dressed up in what you want to be when you grow up and explain to us why you want to do this job. Props are okay too, so bring different things to show us all!"

"Boring..."

"What was that, Hidan?" Konan lightly touched the phone with a sickly-sweet smile on her face.

"I meant, this is a very interesting project!"

"Good. Now get your butt home."

* * *

><p><strong>~~~The Next Day~~<strong>

"Oh, Pein! Glad to see you're back!"

"Hi Konan." He weakly greeted.

"Are you okay? You look a bit pale."

"I'm fine." Truth is, Pein didn't fully recover yet. He only came to work because he had a mile long bill from the hospital to pay off.

"Good. You didn't know how hard it was to take care of the monkeys by myself!"

"Hehe. Yeah, I'm sorry, Konan." He managed a smile.

"Pein?"

"Yes?"

"Did you just apologize to me?" Konan asked in disbelief. Pein was so OOC, it wasn't even funny.

"Alright kiddos! I'll take volunteers first!" Konan announced to the class.

"Oh! Oh! Tobi calls going first!" He hopped to the front in his normal attire, holding a toy white van and an orange lollipop that resembled the one on his face.

"When Tobi grows up, Tobi will drive this," he held up the toy van. "and go around selling candy to little kids!"

"Oh, um, that's a very interesting job, Tobi." Konan nervously laughed. "What do you say, Pein?"

" I say..." He paused. "I say...BATHROOM BREAK!" He jumped up from his seat and sped out the door faster than you can blink!

"Um, that aside. Why do you want to do this job, Tobi?"

"Because Tobi loves kids! Little kids makes Tobi a good boy!"

"Good...job. Next!" Hidan stomped up with his silver hair slicked back as always. He had glasses on, with a pen, paper, and wore a very expensive looking sweater.

"I will be.." Dramatic pause. "An author!" Konan fell out of her chair. Him? The boy who can't even spell his own name? She didn't know whether she should laugh, cry, or die.

"Excuse me. Please continue."

"I will be the best there ever will be! Here is the book that made me think this way!" He held up the newest book by Jiraiya-sensei titled, XXXXXX.

"I'll take that!" Konan confiscated the book. "Now, sit." His mother will hear about this later...

"I wanna go after Sasori-chan, un!"

"Okay, then Sasori, you're up!" Reluctantly, the red head got out of his chair and went to the front with a cute little beret sitting on his head, holding a paintbrush and palette.

"I want to be an artist because I like art. The end." He returned to his seat while Konan clapped.

"Good job Sasori! Now, Deidara." The blonde child walked up with a smirk on his face, dressed the exact same as Sasori.

"My job is way more awesomer than Sasori-chan's! Because I will be...a better artist than him!"

"That's not true, you brat! Everyone knows I'm better!" Sensing an argument coming, Konan got up and made her way to the two.

"THE GREAT PEIN HAS RETURNED FROM HIS ADVENTURES WITH SWIRLY THE TOILET!" Carrot top burst into the room.

"Hello Pein."

"You, my lucky friend, have the honor to go next!" He took Kakuzu by his collar and threw him to the front.

"Cough, cough. I will be the CEO of the Akatsuki Bank and I will take all your money! I will count pennies all day in my office for the rest of my life and my wife will be a fifty billion dollar bill because money is my life!" He announced!

"Aww, Kakuzu! You love school so much that you will name your bank after it?"

"No. It was either that, or Fluffy Pumpkins..."

"Uh..Kisame go ahead." Kisame did not come in a shark costume that everyone else expected him to come in. Instead, he wore an old t-shirt and brown pants, holding a mop. His job was also not as a performer in SeaWorld like everyone else expected instead...

"I will be a janitor at this preschool!"

"And...why?" Konan questioned.

"Do you not see the beauty in this thing?" Kisame shoved the mop out for everyone else to see.

"O..kay. Zetsu, go ahead."

"Waaiiiiit! I'm not done yet!" He yelled. "Her name is Mopina!" He added before sprinting back to his seat and tripping on his beloved mop.

"Nooo! Mopina is dirty now!"

Zetsu calmly walked to the front.

"We have decided. **To be a. **House plant. **In Teacher Pein's house. **Because the air is nice there. **And I will get to see Rose everyday.**"

"Never! I refuse! You will not come within ten feet of my lovely home! Never!"

"Oh we will. **We have our waysssss."** Pein shuddered and went out cold.

"Finally, Itachi." The Uchiha came up with a very normal dress shirt and black slacks.

"I will work in my own company that produces stuffed weasel toys where I will have a steady income and support my family. I will marry a pretty girl and we will have two kids together. One son and one daughter. My son will take over my company as the heir. The company will be named FluffiezR'us. My brother Sasuke and I will move along with our family to a lovely place in Antartica where we will live for all eternity until our hair turns gray and fall off. Then, we die."

"That is...wow. Planning far ahead aren't you, Itachi?" He nodded.

"Well, school's over today! Toddles!" Everyone filed out.

"Now, Hidan...we have some unfinished business to take care of..."

* * *

><p><strong>*****We interrupt the author's note with some shameless advertising. Those who do not want to read can skip to the end of this paid advertisment with a fee of twenty dollars. Please send the payment to 1234 Sesame Street. Thank you.*****<strong>

Hi readers~ So I wrote a new story for Bleach! Check it out sometimes!

*******Shameless Advertising End*******

Thanks for reading all of you! I have wrote an entire plan for this month! So, hopefully I will stop being lazy and start updating more often! For the next chapter...there will be a new student! I'll let you guys decide who it'll be!

Choices:

Orochimaru

My OC

Baby Sasuke

Baby Naruto

You can vote in the poll, in a review, or both! (Double votes FTW!) and if you have any other ideas for choices then PM me or tell me in a review! Ciao!


	9. The New Student

**The New Student**

Pein cleared his throat.

"Ahem, can I have your attention please?" The children's chatter continued.

"Would you idiots listen!...Please." Their voices only grew louder.

"Oh that's it! That. Is. IT!" Angrily, the carrot head reached for the nearest chair, until...

"Oh Pein-kun~ Have you forgot about our little _deal?_" Konan said in a singsong voice, a smirk painted across her lips.

"No...of course not, my _dear Konan-chan._" Pein slowly set the chair down, his eyes twitching. Oh what did the poor man do to deserve this?

* * *

><p>-<em>Flashback-<em>

_School was dismissed over an hour ago, but the two teachers still remained in the classroom. _

"_Konan! When can we go home?" Pein whined, tugging on his fellow teacher's sleeve._

"_Pein, let go. I'm warning you!" He reluctantly dropped his hands._

"_But I'm hungry!"_

"_Here." Konan threw a granola bar, aiming for his face. "Eat that."_

"_Ow! Konan-chan~ You hit my face!" _

"_So?"_

_Pein insisted that she kiss his 'owie' better._

"_You have to kiss it better 'cus it hurts!" He pouted and added the puppy dog eyes as a bonus._

"_Hm...Okay, fine. I will. BUUUUUT-"_

"_YES! I WIN! VICTORY DANCE~ UH HUH, UH HUH, GO PEIN~ GO PEIN~ IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY~ UH HUH~" Smack. _

"_Pein. Sit down and stop acting like an idiot. It is most certainly NOT your birthday. Now there is a catch to this."_

"_Yeah, yeah. I'll agree to whatever you're about to say. Now can I get a little smoochie smooch?" _

"_You have to be nice to the kids, you can't harass, insult, trip, hurt, or yell at them for a whole week!"_

"_A whole week! That's like...seven days!"_

"_Glad to know that you can count."_

"_But, but, but...they don't even go to school for SEVEN DAYS!"_

"_Well, lucky for you! You only have to be nice to them for FIVE DAYS then."_

"_Oh. Okay then, now about that kiss..."_

"_Of course. How silly of me, I almost forgot!" Konan slowly rose from her seat as Pein mentally prepared himself. _

_**Okay Pein-Pein, you got this! This is all that you've been waiting for...Agh, why are my hands so sweaty! Is it just me, or is it burning in here. She's so close!**_

"_Alright, now close your eyes and pucker up." She ordered. Closer, she walked, high heels clacking on the floor. She leaned in, free hand reaching for the glass of water sitting on the desk and- splash! _

_Pein's eyes shot open._

"_Hey! That wasn't a kiss! Cough, you just splashed water at me!" Konan laughed as Pein went into a coughing fit. _

"_Hahahaha, you should've seen your face! Hahaha!" _

"_Geez Konan, that's not funny at all."_

"_I know, I'm sorry." Quickly, she stood on her tiptoes and gave him a quick peck on his cheek before grabbing her bag and scurrying out the door, leaving a confused and blushing Pein._

* * *

><p>"So anyways, listen all you-" He shot a glance at Konan. "Beautiful, hardworking, cute, adorable, fluffy burgers! Konan has an important announcement to make." Pein managed to cough out before immediately rushing over to the nearest wall to bash his head.<p>

"Alright! Today, we have a new student with us! Kirina, can you please come up to the front and introduce yourself?"

"O-okay!" A small voice squeaked. Slowly, a short little girl, with light brown hair pulled into pigtails and large purple eyes walked to the front of the room.

"Um, I'm Kirina Mizuhana! Age five, likes pandas, and takoyaki. Dislikes frogs and scary movies...and...that's it."

"Thank you Kirina!" Konan gave the girl an encouraging pat. "Kirina is new here, so be sure to treat her nicely everyone! Now, recess!" All the boys cheered and pushed past each other in the race to the door.

* * *

><p><strong>-Playground-<strong>

All of the boys huddled in a corner under the slide as they watched the new girl sit on the swings.

"What are we gonna do?" Kisame whispered.

"I heard that girls have cooties!" Hidan whispered with extra emphasis on the word 'cooties'.

"Senpai! Senpai! What are cooties? Tobi wants to know!" The masked boy shook his senpai.

"Shut up, un! Don't ask me! Ask Mr. Encyclopedia." Deidara pointed to Itachi across from him.

" Cooties: a kind of infectious disease. The term may have originated with references to lice, fleas, and other parasites. A child is said to "catch" cooties through any form of bodily contact, proximity, or touching of an "infected" person or from a person of the opposite sex of the same age. Often the "infected" person is someone who is perceived as "different" and bears some kind of social stigma: of the opposite sex, disabled, someone who is shyor withdrawn, someone who has peculiar mannerisms, etc. The phrase is most commonly used by children aged 4–10; however, it is also used by many others older than 10."

"What? Tobi doesn't understand." Hidan slapped his head.

"It means that you will be wetting your bed for the rest of your life, stupid!"

"Tobi doesn't want to wet his bed forever! Tobi is a good boy! Tobi's mama and papa would not like that! Tobi will be spanked..."

"I say that one of us go over and question her." Kakuzu proposed.

"Let's take the most innocent one." Sasori suggested. And all eyes fell on Tobi.

"No! No! Tobi don't want to! No, Senpai, no!" It took everyone to succesfully drag Tobi by his arms and legs out of the big toy and towards the swing set.

"You're on your own now! Tobi boy." Kisame waved good bye as the rest of the group retreated into their safe litte space under the slide.

"Um..." Slowly the masked boy came up to Kirina.

"Yes?"

"I'm Tobi! Tobi is a good boy, so please don't give Tobi cooties."

"Cooties? You think I'll give you cooties?" Tobi nodded. "Ha...haha..hahahaha!" The little five year old burst into laughter.

"What's so funny?" Tobi asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Aw, you're so cute! Cooties don't exist!"

"They don't?" He said, inching closer to the girl.

"Yup! My mommy and daddy told me it's just a game." She told Tobi, petting his head affectionately. The others, seeing Tobi get closer to this girl, decided that it was safe to come out. Kisame was the first to approach her.

"Hey, I'm Kisame!"

"I'm Kirina."

"Hehe, you're so tiny!" The blue sharkboy ruffled her hair. One by one, they introduced themselves and before they knew it, recess was over.

* * *

><p>Summer started for a whole week...it took me a whole week to stop being lazy and finally write-.-" but...there's just too many things that distract me! Too many to list!<p>

Anyways, I heard that Fanfiction is deleting all those rated M stories and stuff...well..that sucks-.- I thought changes were supposed to be a good thing. Apparently not!

There was a tiny PeinKo moment in this..if you squint...for all of you PeinKo lovers!(JD) :D as for you non supporters...uh..sorry? ;DSo how are you guys liking Kirina so far? I never expected her to get the most votes. Hm. How unexpected...


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